I love Thanksgiving. I’ve always thought it was the most overlooked holiday, but I read something somewhere this week (don’t remember where) that got me thinking. It’s that way because there’s no way to capitalize what Thanksgiving all about. You can’t profit off of gratitude and family.

Unless you’re a turkey or cranberry farmer, then I guess you can.

If you ask most people what they’re thankful for, what’s the #1 thing you’ll hear? “I’m thankful for my family and friends.” Amen, I am, too.

But the reality is that while everybody always says that, our culture is experience an epidemic of lonliness.

A study done by the Survey Centre on American Life found that in 1990, 55% of American men reported having at least six close friends; today only 27% do. The survey found that 15% of men have no close friendships at all, a fivefold increase since 1990.

Research by Cigna, global health research group:

• More than half of Americans (56%) say they feel lonely, even when surrounded by other people.

• 46% say they feel no one knows them very well, and in the youngest generation, Gen-Z, that number is 70%.

• 36% believe there is no one they can turn to—at least some of the time.

Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity.

Human beings, made in God’s image, were made for relationships, deep relationships, and we cannot thrive without them.

But do we stop and really let overselves feel that thankfulness for our friends? Do they know how thankful you are to God for them?

Today we’re going to look at one of the all-time great examples of true friendship in Scripture, David and Jonathan.

Who is Jonathan, anyway?

He’s kind of been on the outskirts of the story the past few weeks.

At the beginning of Chapter 13, he attacked the Philistine garrison at Gibeah—the job his dad was supposed to have done, but didn’t.

And then when the Philistines came to attack Israel in response, he’s the one who takes the initiative to go out alone, without his father’s knowledge, and take the fight to them. And we get a bit of insight into his character.

Jonathan said to the attendant who carried his weapons, “Come on, let’s cross over to the garrison of these uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will help us. Nothing can keep the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”

1 Samuel 14:6

Sounds a lot different than dear ol’ Dad, doesn’t it? He has faith.

He sounds a lot more like David did last week facing Goliath. “The battle is the Lord’s.”

Which is why it’s no surprise what we read in Chapter 18:1–4

When David had finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan was bound to David in close friendship, and loved him as much as he loved himself. Saul kept David with him from that day on and did not let him return to his father’s house.

Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as himself. Then Jonathan removed the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his military tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt.

1 Samuel 18:1–4

Literally verse 1 says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.” They’re intertwined.

• Are there people in your life you would say that about, or would say that about you?

• ever met someone and just know? Instant friends?

• not because of age, Jonathan was probably 20+ years older than David.

David and Saul

We’ll come back to them, but the text moves on to a different relationship, one that’s not nearly so friendly… David & Saul.

As the troops were coming back, when David was returning from killing the Philistine, the women came out from all the cities of Israel to meet King Saul, singing and dancing with tambourines, with shouts of joy, and with three-stringed instruments. As they danced, the women sang:

Saul has killed his thousands,
but David his tens of thousands.

Saul was furious and resented this song. “They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands. What more can he have but the kingdom?”

1 Samuel 18:6–8

This is not even really meant to be a slight. It’s a standard form of Hebrew poetry to say the same thing in two lines, with the second one intensifying from the first. It would be like if we said, “Saul and David have killed tens of thousands.”

Next day, David’s playing his lyre in the palace (which we learned about in the flash forward in Chapter 16), and it says Saul “raved within his house”—the dude’s going crazy. That’s what happens when you don’t follow God’s ways.

Saul has his spear in his hand, and in a fit of rage, he hurls it at David, twice. And so begins Saul’s brazen attempts on David’s life. That’s numbers 1 and 2.

After that Saul sent him away from the palace and back out into the battlefield. That’s #3. Of course David’s successful, and verses 12 and 15 pretty much sum up the rest of David & Saul’s relationship:

Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul… When Saul observed that David was very successful, he dreaded him.

1 Samuel 18:12,15

#4: Merab

Oldest daughter in marriage, but “be a warrior for me and fight the Philistines.”

But Saul was thinking, “I don’t need to raise a hand against
him; let the hand of the Philistines be against him.”

1 Samuel 18:17B

David says, “Who am I/family/clan that I should become the king’s son-in-law?”

#5: Michal

Turns out, she’s fallen in love with David. “Good, honey, good!” Saul says. And again, he offers David his daughter’s hand in marriage, this time with a little buttering up first.

• SERVANTS: The king really likes you, marry his daughter
• DAVID: “That’s great… I don’t have any money, let alone the bride price for a princess.”
• SAUL: “Oh, is that all? I’m sure we can work something out.”

What’s the price? 100 Philistine foreskins. Hope you didn’t bring your Illustrated Bible to church this morning!

David says, “Okay!” and him and his men go out and collect 200—double the amount. Now Saul has no choice, David and Michal get married.

#6: Assassination

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David. But Saul’s son Jonathan liked David very much, so he told him, “My father, Saul, intends to kill you. Be on your guard in the morning and hide in a secret place and stay there.

1 Samuel 19:1–2

Jonathan tells David about it, and then talks Saul out of it. So David comes back to the palace for some amount of time…

#7: Javelin Again

…but it couldn’t have been too long.

19:9, is a replay of the first attempt, with David playing the lyre and Saul hurling the spear at him. He escapes again, goes home.

#8: Secret Agents

Saul sends his early Mossad agents to wait outside David’s house. Michal warns him, he escapes out the window into the night, she puts a dummy in his bed and tell the agents that he’s sick.

#9: Posse

So David fled and escaped and went to Samuel at Ramah and told him everything Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel left and stayed at Naioth.

When it was reported to Saul that David was at Naioth in Ramah, he sent agents to seize David.

1 Samuel 19:18–20

God stops them by having the Holy Spirit by having them get caught up in this prophesying group that’s there. So Saul sends another posse, same thing happens; so then he decides to go himself, and the same thing happens.

So that’s 9 times that Saul attempted David’s life in two chapters. The guy is loosing it.

David, meanwhile, is on the run, as he will be through the rest of this book. He meets up with Jonathan and asks,

David fled from Naioth in Ramah and came to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What did I do wrong? How have I sinned against your father so that he wants to take my life?”

1 Samuel 20:1

Jonathan doesn’t believe it—after all, his father had sworn an oath to him that David wouldn’t die. But David says, “No, Jonathan, it’s true.”

But David said, “Your father certainly knows that I have found favor with you. He has said, ‘Jonathan must not know of this, or else he will be grieved.’” David also swore, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you yourself live, there is but a step between me and death.”

Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.”

1 Samuel 20:3–4

They hatch a plan…

What are we to learn about friendship from these two? What does godly friendship look like?

1. Commitment

From the very beginning, it was friendship at first sight for these two. Has that ever happened to you? It’s strange, isn’t it, how quickly you can just know so quickly sometimes.

Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves”

Ever felt that with someone, sure that you’re going to BFFs… and then it didn’t last? (Facebook friends)

Deep, godly friendship requires commitment.

Jonathan & David weren’t just work colleagues, golf buddies. They didn’t just spend time together they made each other laugh and got along so well (although I’m sure that’s true). Building forever friendships require intentionality and dedication.

Commitment is a word our culture is generally terrified of. We don’t want to be tied down, keep our options open.

This was more than a commitment, it was a covenant.

Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as himself. Then Jonathan removed the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his military tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt.

1 Samuel 18:3–4

Who would’ve been the successor to the throne? Jonathan.

This is Jonathan sacrificially giving up his rights, his status as crown prince, and saying, “No, it’s not me… it’s you.”

How easy would it have been to be bitter or jealous?

Almost like a John the Baptist figure, “I must decrease, he must increase.”

Godly friendships are committed for the long haul. You need people like this in your life, the ones that you can call at any time of the day or night. When you’re having a crisis of faith, when you get to the point of your life when you’re saying.

Nobody told me life was gonna be this way Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A… I’ll be there for you

Friends Theme Song, the Rembrandts

1. Commitment

2. Care

These two men loved each other. They had a deep, genuine affection, and they said so.

After Jonathan dies in battle at the end of 1 Samuel, David is absolutely devastated, look at what he says:

How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan!
Oh, how much I loved you!
And your love for me was deep,
deeper than the love of women!

2 Samuel 1:26, NLT

That’s intense.

Not homosexual. And the fact that it would even come up goes to show how impoverished our culture is to any concept of close Biblical friendship.

Friends care for one another.

• Jonathan stuck up for David.
• Time, even/especially when it’s inconvenient.
• Expressed their care through actions and words, (guys…)

Guys, we’re not as good at this.

1. Commitment
2. Care

3. Candor

Jonathan told David hard things, awkward things that he probably didn’t want to hear, and vice versa.

A true, godly friend is more concerned about your spiritual wellbeing than they are your feelings in the moment. You need someone in your life that will tell you the truth you don’t want to hear because they love you.

The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

Proverbs 27:6

When’s the last time a friend told you, “That’s a stupid idea.”? (J.D. Greear)

If you can’t think of a time, there’s only two possibilities:

1. You’re sooooo perfect that they have nothing to say (in which case you should change your name to Jesus.)
2. You haven’t let people into your life close enough that they can accurately see what’s going on, and/or not given them permission to speak into your life about those things.

Watch out, brothers and sisters, so that there won’t be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.

Hebrews 3:12–13

• Watch out for each other
• How often? Daily
• Sin in our hearts is deceptive.

1. Commitment
2. Care
3. Candor

4. Christ

It was their respective relationships with God that bound their hearts together, just like it is ours.

You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father.

John 15:14–15