Have you ever done something that made you feel embarrassed and ashamed? All of us, at some point, know what it is to experience shame. It can range from simple embarrassment to things much more serious.

Me playing football outside church at UMBC, spiking ball, hit me in the head.

I’m sure all of us have stories like this, some of them funny… and some, not so much.

The longer I’m a pastor the more convinced I become that every person, regardless of situation, is fighting a hidden battle with shame.

Scott Sauls

Guilt vs Shame

Most people know what the experience of shame is like, but most don’t understand whether it is good or bad, or what role it is supposed to play.

People tend to think it is just an extreme form of guilt—like guilt on steroids. Guilt is feeling bad about something bad you did; shame is feeling really bad about it. But while guilt can produce shame, shame is different.

Brad Hambrick (pastoral counselor at Summit Church) says you can…

• think of guilt like a stain on a shirt: it can be washed, even though it may prove difficult to remove.

• Shame, by contrast, would be a disfigured face. It feels like a permanent part of who you are.

  • And, if you had a disfigured face, even if the disfigurement had nothing to do with choices you made, you still don’t want to show your true face for fear of what others will say/do in response.

• Guilt is focused on the what.
  Shame is focused on the who.

• Guilt says, “I did something bad.”
  Shame says, “I am something bad.”

• Guilt says, “I’ve done something wrong and I need to correct it.”
  Shame says, “I am something wrong, and I need to hide it.”

• Guilt says, “You shouldn’t have done what you did.”
  Shame says, “You should be ashamed of (what you did?) yourself.”

Shame on you

Guilt is logical; it’s pretty easy to reason about guilt.

• Either I did the thing, and I should feel guilty about it,
  or I didn’t, so I shouldn’t.

• Some people will try their best to make you feel guilty,
  but it’s relatively easy to reason your way out of false guilt.

But shame? Shame’s much less logical, and much more insidious. Guilt

One of the biggest differences between guilt and shame is that guilt is something that you’ve done. One of the most insidious things about shame.

We feel shame for a few different reasons.

1. Because of something we have done / didn’t do.
2. Because of something said / done to us.
3. Because of expectations others/culture placed on us that we do not meet.

Dad, “dumbest kid in the class got the best grade…”

Shame enters the story of humanity very early on…

In the Garden

We can see at least three effects shame has on us:

1. Shame makes us try to cover up who we really are.

In rightly understanding our sinful nature, we see ourselves

The only difference between then and now is that our fig leaves are a little more sophisticated… and just as useless.

2. Shame makes us try to hide from others.

If you were to tell your version of my football spike story, I’ll bet the majority would use this phrase: “I just wanted to run and hide.”

But in those more important, less amusing stories of shame that shape our lives, it doesn’t last for a minute. It can last months, years, decades, a lifetime.

• We hide in our homes, or away from them.
• In our room, at our offices.
• Behind computers, phones, social media, newspapers, magazines.
• Earphones, Netflix, ESPN.
• Busyness and procrastination.

Anything and everything to keep us from feeling what we feel underneath.

3. Shame makes us try to shift the blame.

• “It was that woman you gave me.”
• “It was that serpent you let into the garden.”

Shame, boatloads of shame
Day after day, more of the same
Blame (blame), please lift it off
Please take it off, please make it stop

Avett Brothers, Shame

People who are ashamed always want the spotlight to be on someone else besides them.

Ever since Eden every man, woman, and child has been facing a hidden battle with shame. The vague sense there’s something deeply wrong with us compels us to hide, blame, and run for cover. We are desperate to create a counter-narrative to the shaming voice within and without.

Scott Sauls

In the Old Testament

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth
and the sorrows of widowhood.

Isaiah 54:4, NLT

In place of your shame, you will have a double portion;
in place of disgrace, they will rejoice over their share.
So they will possess double in their land,
and eternal joy will be theirs.

Isaiah 61:7

Behold, at that time I will deal with all your oppressors.
And I will save the lame and gather the outcast,
and I will change their shame into praise
and renown in all the earth.

Zephaniah 3:19, ESV

In Jesus

For all the promises of God find their yes in him.

2 Corinthians 1:20, ESV

While he was going, the crowds were nearly crushing him. A woman suffering from bleeding for twelve years, who had spent all she had on doctors and yet could not be healed by any, approached from behind and touched the end of his robe.

Luke 8:42–44

“Suffering from bleeding” is a polite way of saying she had a disease that produced an “uncontrollable menstrual flow,” which meant that not only was she sick, and likely suffering from severe, chronic pain, she was unable to have children, and according to Jewish law she was ceremonially unclean.

That means wasn’t allowed in public for 12 years. No public worship. No place where others could come in contact with her.

• Think of how you felt after just a few days/weeks of quarantine in 2020.
  Now imagine you’d been in there since 2010!

It means no one has touched her—for 12 years—lest they become unclean. For 12 years no one has hugged her. Nobody’s laid a hand on her shoulder to pray for her. She’s an outcast, lonely.

• One last observation about her this woman—and it comes from a detail that’s left out: She’s nameless. In contrast to Jairus, whose name everybody knows, Luke leaves this woman’s name out because no one knows who she is anyway. She’s invisible, and wants to stay that way.

The Levitical laws about uncleanness were supposed to give Israel a picture of the uncleanness we all have brought upon ourselves through sin—the uncleanliness of the heart, and the shame that goes with it, all the way back to the Garden of Eden.

So if you take a step back from the story and look at the big picture,
her issue represents the issue we all have because of our sin.

The Gospel of Mark says that she had heard about Jesus, which led her to try this. It makes you wonder, what exactly had she heard?

During Jesus’s time people believed the Messiah would be so powerful that even the “wings” of his garments would possess healing power. The idea behind that came from a prophecy in Malachi (4:2) that the Messiah would rise “with healing in his wings.”

Maybe she had heard that and thought, “Maybe it’s true—maybe if I can touch the wings of his garment, I’ll be healed. It’s worth a shot, I’ve tried everything else.”

One last thing about this woman before we continue the story… notice that she isn’t named? Quite a contrast from Jairus

Instantly her bleeding stopped.

Luke 8:44

“Who touched me?” Jesus asked.

Luke 8:45

QUESTION: Does Jesus not have control over his power? Can people actually sneak up on God and snatch some healing? Does Jesus really not know who touched him?

Of course he is in control and of course he knows who touched him. So, why ask? Because the question isn’t for his benefit, its for her benefit.

• Kids ate chocolate donut, icing on face. “Who ate the donut?”

Jesus is saying, “Identify yourself…”

When the woman saw that she was discovered, she came trembling and fell down before him. In the presence of all the people, she declared the reason she had touched him and how she was instantly healed.

Luke 8:47

Trembling. Terrified. She just wanted to steal her miracle and get home. The last thing she wanted was to be exposed, again—and now in front of this famous Rabbi and all his followers! Is she just going to be humiliated and rejected again in front of everyone?

What happens next might be one of the most beautiful moments in the Gospels, especially those who deal with shame. It shows us what it’s like to be exposed in all of our shame and ugliness and mess before a holy God.

“Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

Luke 8:48

• Not stranger or ma’am. Not even sister or friend. But a term of most intimate endearment: daughter.
• It’s the only place in the Gospels where Jesus addresses someone this way.
• Tim Keller says you should probably read it something like, “Sweetheart.”
• It’s the kind of word you would never use to address someone you just met.

Think about what’s happening here:

• The girl no one would touch is now being embraced by the arms that shaped the stars.
• The name nobody else knows Jesus knows. He’s on more than a “first name basis” with her. He’s in the tender nickname stage!

And he won’t let her just steal a miracle in secret, because as much as he wants to heal her, and as great as that is, he also wants her to know the even greater thing—that she is loved, accepted and cherished.

For the joy that lay before him, he endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2

Back to the Garden

1. Shame makes us try to shift the blame,
but God’s grace makes us own it.

That’s what He did with Adam and Eve, and it’s what He does with us.

His mercy is so much better than our excuses.

The Spirit frees us to speak up when shame wants to silence us.

Heather Davis Nelson

2. Shame makes us try to hide in the darkness,
but God’s grace calls us into the light.

Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.

James 5:16

You will never be able to do that unless you deal with the shame. And we will never be able to do that as a church family, if we don’t intentionally create a culture where sin is expected, repentance is normal, and shame is rejected as a tool of Satan, not the Spirit.

3. Shame makes us try to cover up,
but God’s grace covers us.

The Lord God made clothing from skins for
the man and his wife, and he clothed them.

Genesis 3:21

In Genesis 3, we see both the first effects of shame on humanity, and God’s first demonstration of his grace that is willing to sacrifice to cover our shame.

Naked, come to Thee for dress,
Helpless, look to Thee for grace

Augustus Toplady, Rock of Ages

Now we’re clothed in robes of righteousness—His, not ours.

When Jesus allowed himself to be stripped, spit on, taunted, rejected, and made nothing on the cross—when he, the one who had nothing to be ashamed of, surrendered to the ruthless, relentless shaming that led to our redemption and healing—he neutered our shame and stripped it of its power.

Scott Sauls

When to Cash In

God’s promises are like a check, payable to order, that we can cash in.

A. When you want to use shame to control others.

It’s so easy, because it’s what we know.
It’s so useful, because it works… temporarily, and with a cost.

PARENTS: We’re to be reflecting the heavenly Father, perfect parent. He works to take away our shame, not to put more on us.

I’m not writing this to shame you, but to warn you as my dear children.

1 Corinthians 4:14

B. When you feel shame rising up inside you.

Sometime’s it obvious, most of the time it’s subtle.

Some of us are unsure of God’s full acceptance. We suspect he’s disappointed with our best efforts. We live with low-grade guilt, feeling like we’ve never really pleased him—that he’d always like to see us doing a bit better.

Stephen Witmer

• Yes, I’m guilty, but Jesus took away my guilt.
• Yes, I have every reason to be ashamed, except that Jesus took it for me.

Family photos—ahh, the awkwardness. “The late nineties were not a good time for me!” Now let’s gather around and take another one, so that in another 20 years we can look back and go, “Wow, the early twenties!”

Erik Raymond, He Is Not Ashamed

Imagine if we gathered together all of the believers throughout history and lined them up for a massive family photo. Who would we see? What kinds of people would be there?

• people with unflattering stories
• those overlooked and disregarded by society
• lots of awkwardness, misfits, and crazy uncles!

Now zoom in closer. Focus on the middle of the picture. Jesus is there. Seems out of place, doesn’t he? There, in this panorama of redemption, is Jesus, the perfect Son of God, wedged shoulder to shoulder with people marked by their depravity. Jesus, identifying with men, women, and children of all ages and backgrounds. Bearing the scars that narrate their painful stories and sinful histories, they surround Jesus.

He is not ashamed of you.

For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters

Hebrews 2:11–12

In this family photo, Jesus may seem out of place, but in reality he’s exactly where he belongs. Even more, he’s right where he wants to be. Instead of being ashamed of them, he calls them family. Jesus wouldn’t hide his family picture. He’d hang it on the wall.

The cross should settle the question of whether Jesus is ashamed of you. Nobody has a story that can make Jesus blush. He doesn’t Photoshop anyone out of the picture.

Erik Raymond, He Is Not Ashamed

Who am I? I am who Christ says I am. I am forgiven. I am free. I am redeemed. I am healed. I am a new creation. I am chosen. I am changed. I am blessed. I am beloved. I am complete. I am a child of God, and I do not need to be ashamed.

You are not what others have done to you. You are not what others have said about you. You are not what the voices inside whisper about you. You are what Christ has declared you to be.

The God who knows all things knew that our best day would still merit his wrath. He also knew that our worst day wasn’t beyond his mercy… When Jesus went to the cross, he knew whom he was purchasing. And he didn’t keep the receipt.

— Erik Raymond, He Is Not Ashamed

Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne

Edward Mote, The Solid Rock